Lightness
by EdenAdvance
Summary: Sequel to Darkness. John and Aeryn after the death of Gilina


Lightness

Lightness by [EdenAdvance][1]

TITLE: Lightness (Is this a proper English word?) 

DISCLAIMER: I'm glad to say that I don't own the various characters that were tortured and mutilated during the writing of this fic. How's that for a disclaimer? 

SUMMARY: No! No summary available at this time…  Okay, after Gilina dies, she comes back and pesters Aeryn, until she jumps off the Terrace. Kidding, of course. 

ARCHIVING: Yep! Ask me though. 

NOTES: Sequel to Darkness (and no! The title had no meaning what so ever. This one has no meaning either. I can't give stories proper titles without muse.) And as usual, I didn't watch that part of the PK Tech Girl episode again. 

NOTES2: It's kinda jumping from Aeryns POV to Crichtons POV. No shippy things here, since I didn't get my cookies. 

FEEDBACK: All presents, comments, Crichtons will be accepted with a big goofy smile. All flames will be dealt with by the Fire Department. (And no, we haven't made peace yet!) So send everything to this address: [EdenAdvance@yahoo.com][1]

He stood there, watching the stars... watching as the box carrying Gilina drifted away into darkness. I had performed a Sebacean ritual for Gilina, as much as I disliked her. But I did it for John, because he had loved her and he was my shipmate, as he had called it on board the Zelbinion. And Gilina had been a Sebacean, a Peacekeeper, like I was once. It had been my duty to perform the ritual.

I stood there, in the shadows, watching him grief. I wanted to go over to him, to say something to him, but I couldn't move. "Coward." I said to myself. 

Suddenly John turns, and sees me. As I watch his face, I notice the red eyes, the result of his tears. He walks towards me, leaving the Terrace. After the initial shock of the Tech's death, he ignored me, didn't utter a single word towards me. I know he blames me for her death, I didn't protect her when those thugs shot at us on the commerce planet. He never noticed that I was wounded as well. This makes me wonder. What if it would've been me who was dead? Would he be grieving? Would Gilina have performed the ritual? Would there be a funeral?

As he passes me, he stops to look at me. As I look in his eyes, the once sparkling blue eyes, full of life, I see... hatred? But then it is gone, and so is he...

I'm alone now, lonelier than I've ever been in my entire life. I watch the stars for a few microns, and then I turn and leave as well. 

******

I watch her... and as she drifts into space, I wonder what could've been. All I see is darkness... nothing. Was she meant to die there, on that planet? Vaguely I remember a movie I once saw about ghosts, coming back to haunt their loved ones... "Why did she had to die?" I softly ask to no one in particular. Why her? Why Gilina, the only one out here that understands me. The one that had enough patience to teach me so much. Life really sucks. The words bring back a memory, one that changed my life completely. 

"Life sucks..."

"It brought us together."

"It sucks a little less."

I almost smile at that. Almost... because it hurts to smile. Everything hurts right now and it makes me wonder if I'll ever feel like I used to. 

I turn around and see her, the other one, standing there in the shadows, watching me. Or is it watching over me? Ever since Gilina died, either Zhaan or Aeryn has been following me around, watching me. I don't pay too much attention to it, but it annoys me. Sometimes I feel like lashing out at them, just yelling at them. I wonder what Aeryns reaction would be. I already know what her reaction is, because it already happened once, when I was protecting Gilina. Gilina simply accepted Aeryns hatred towards her, but I didn't. For once, Aeryn was going to lay off, she wasn't going to pull rank on Gilina again. 

"Aeryn! I need to talk to you right now!" I yelled, barging into her room. She was sleeping, after spending the entire night in Command. I didn't mind waking her up, but obviously she wasn't too happy about it. 

"What do you want!?" she replied, half asleep. 

"Stay away from Gilina, you hear me! If I ever get to hear you pestering her again, I will personally knock you out cold. And I don't care what they say about hitting a woman." 

I remember the look on her face when I said that. She wasn't afraid, she probably knew I wouldn't be able to knock her out cold without getting hit a few times myself. But she saw the anger in my eyes, I knew that. She had crossed the line and I was going to make it clear what would happen the next time. There wasn't going to be a next time, because Gilina wasn't here anymore...

I walk towards Aeryn, intending to leave the terrace, but as I pass her, something makes me stand still. She's looking at me and I stare at her. Was she really concerned? I laugh at that. Aeryn and concerned? Never... As she looks in my eyes, she obviously sees something that disturbs her. But then, I walk on, towards my room. 

********

A weeken later.

As I enter Command, I see Zhaan and D'Argo waiting for me. 

"Good morning Aeryn." Zhaan says in her usual soft tone. 

I nod to her and look at D'Argo. 

"We're waiting for Crichton." He says. 

"Oh." Is my reply. We don't bother to wait for Rygel anymore, as he's mostly eating.

I ask why Zhaan called me. 

"We're nearing a commerce planet. Rygel has prepared a list of things we need, I suggest you look it over and add anything you need. You and Crichton will have to go down, since I think you both need some time alone." Zhaan suggests. 

I sigh. Time alone with Crichton... suddenly it has become something I fear. I didn't forget his outburst a few weekens back. Nor did I forget his threat, which, I presume, is still standing. We all turn as Crichton enters Command. He looks like hell I must say. Obviously he's been having trouble sleeping. Sometimes, late at night, when I return from my usual round, I hear him. He talks in his sleep, when he's dreaming. I listen to his dreams then, but mostly they are nightmares. Other times, they are about his time with Gilina, then I move on quickly. He looks at Zhaan and D'Argo, but his eyes avoid me, like they have been doing for a weeken now. I listen as Zhaan explains everything to Crichton and I see him nod. But whether he likes some time alone with me, I don't know. 

*******

I watch Aeryn as she flies the transport down to the planet. I understood Zhaans message clearly, by the time we get back to Moya, Aeryn and I need to be on speaking terms again. When Gilina died, I blamed Aeryn, probably for not dying. At that point I wanted Aeryn dead and Gilina to live instead. But later on, I understood that it wasn't fair to think of her that way. Aeryn had nothing to do with Gilina's death. I agree with myself, I have been harsh on her lately, by avoiding her and basically ignoring her. 

Aeryn simply accepted things and didn't try to begin a conversation, although I think deep inside, she wanted to. 

As she prepares to land, I watch her more closely, while she ignores me. She seems almost nervous, is she remembering what happened on the last commerce planet? Or is it me, being alone with me that makes her nervous? Is she expecting another fight between us? 

As we leave the pod, I follow her towards the small town that lies ahead of us. She is, as usual, carrying the small PK pulse rifle, prepared for anything. I take a few big steps and adapt my pace to hers as I walk next her. 

"Hey." I say, to give it a try. Zhaan's expecting us to talk, so we better talk. 

For a moment it is quiet, then she replies.

"Hey." 

I smile, she must've overheard me and Gilina discussing the word 'hey'. But does this mean she doesn't want to talk? I decide to give it another try.

"Hey."

She stops and looks at me. "I don't want to talk Crichton." She says and starts walking again.

"Suit yourself." I reply and follow her. And bump into her as she suddenly stops. 

"What!? What did you say?" 

I sigh. "It's nothing. Have your own way I meant."

She starts walking again, and I trail after her. After a few moments, I try again. 

"You know I don't blame you anymore. It wasn't your fault." Nothing. She keeps walking, but I don't intend to give up. 

"Aeryn, it's clear why Zhaan sent us on this little camping trip. She knows how our relationship is suffering with all this." Finally a reaction.

"What relationship? We're nothing more than shipmates, right?" she snaps. 

"We could be more. We could be friends again." 

"What if I don't want to be your friend?" Dammit Aeryn, why do you need to do so difficult everytime? 

"The whole ship is suffering from our little argument. Why can't we be like the way we were before we found the Zelbinion?" Before I met Gilina, I silently add. 

Her mouth opens, as if she intends to say something, but thinks better of it as it closes again. The rest of the short hike was made in silence. 

******

Why did I have to do so... unfriendly towards him? He wants it back the way it used to be. Before we found the Zelbinion. In my mind, I add 'before we met Gilina'. Everything changed because of Gilina. I had never seen John so protective of anyone else. I want to answer his question, but I have no idea what to reply. So I say nothing and increase the pace. 

As we entered the town, I quickly spotted the goods we needed and without saying anything to John, I headed towards the nearest stall. The merchant looks at my rifle for a moment and then turns towards John. I don't listen as he buys the goods, I look around, to see if there's any danger. Seeing none, I turn towards Crichton again, happy to see him packing the goods. Now we can return to Moya and he can ignore me again. 

As we both turn at the same time, I see a small group of man approaching us. I also notice that they are all armed...

******

Happy with completing our little shopping mission so quickly, I smile at Aeryn, but she doesn't notice it. As we both turn around, I wonder who noticed the guards first. As they close in on us, I notice from the looks on the face that they don't have too friendly intentions.

"Aeryn..." I whisper. "We need to get back to the pod." From the corner of my eye, I see her nodding. As we start running, I hear their leader yell "Stop!" before they start pursuing us. 

As we got closer to the pod, I look behind me and noticed that the soldiers were still behind us. I call to Aeryn to hurry up and she reaches the pod first. As I reach the pod, I feel a searing pain go through my leg and I enter the pod stumbling. As Aeryn closes the door, I take a look at my leg and notice a bright spot forming. Aeryn watches my leg for a few microts. Then, hearing the soldiers banging on the pod, she starts pre-flight procedure and lifts off... 

******* 

While piloting the pod, I steal a few glances at Crichton. His leg doesn't look to good, although it isn't bleeding as badly anymore. It's the rest of him that I'm worried about. He's shivering, as if he's having it cold, but I raised the temperature of the pod as high as possibly, without me suffering from Heat Delirium. As we leave the planet's atmosphere, I look at him once more and notice that he's getting paler. "This was not an ordinary bullet." I think to myself as I see Moya coming closer. As I feel the pull of the docking web, I rush over to Crichton. He's almost unconscious, I note to myself and I catch myself wondering what Zhaan would do. 

I hadn't noticed that the pod had already docked, and I look up as Zhaan enters the pod. Seeing Crichton, she rushes over to us and feels his pulse. Then she prays to him, in a language I can't understand nor my translator microbes can translate. Suddenly D'Argo barges into the pod and looks at us on the pod's floor. Without saying anything, he pushes me away and lifts Crichton in his strong arms. I watch Zhaan leave after D'Argo, and I sit here, in the pod for a moment, then I follow them. 

As I wait outside his room, D'Argo passes me on the way out. He looks at me for a moment, and I noticed something in his eyes. He looked almost sad. But it is gone as he leaves me here, standing to await Zhaan's report on his condition. 

As I wait, Rygel hovers into Crichtons room, followed by two DRD's. It makes me angry that everyone can enter his room, except me. When I tried to, Zhaan dismissed me, telling me to wait outside. Yet D'Argo, Rygel and the DRD's can enter. I look up as Rygel floats into the hallway.

"She wants to see you." Rygel says and then hovers in the direction of the mess. 

Slowly, I enter John's room, and somewhere in my mind I note that it was once Gilina's room as well. He looks so small, so innocent as he lies there on the bed. As I walked closer, Zhaan turns towards me and I notice the sad look on her face. Quickly, I look back at John and see his chest rise and fall as he breathes.

"He's not dead, isn't he?" I ask her. 

"No, but he's very sick. I need to go to the lab to test this blood sample for poison. Someone needs to watch over him until I get back. I thought Rygel wasn't the right person and since D'Argo is in Command, I thought you could watch him for me." The priestess explained.

I nod and sit down on his bed, my hand on his hand. As I look back at Zhaan, I notice she's already gone. As I wait for Zhaan to return with results, Crichton starts to get delirious. For a while I listen to his murmuring, but when I hear Gilina's name, I focus on Moya's vibrating sound. 

As I look around the room, I see the wet cloth Zhaan used to cool Crichton's forehead. I grab it and use it on him. Instantly, he relaxes beneath me and he is quiet for a few microns. As I turn to lay the cloth back down, his hand suddenly grabs my arm, so fast that I hadn't noticed it until he pulled me down. 

'He must think I'm Gilina.' I think and I don't resist his pull. As I lay besides him, I hear his words. For a microt I think I heard wrong, but as he repeats it, I know that my biggest wish, besides returning home, is happening...

"I love you, Aeryn." He murmurs. And as he lies there, I lay my head on his chest and listen to the beating of his heart...

*******

Zhaan returned half an arn later and found us both asleep, holding eachother. Crichton's illness faded soon after Zhaan administered an antidote. His words weren't fever-induced, as he remembered them clearly afterwards. We're friends now, even closer than before we met Gilina. After a few solar days, John asked me to move in with him, so now we live together and spend every possible moment together. At nights, when we can't sleep, we go to the Terrace, and we sit there, his arms around me and then we talk for arns, about everything we can think of. 

"What are you thinking about?" I hear him ask and I move in his arms to look at his, in his blue eyes, full of life...

The End.

   [1]: mailto:Edenadvance@yahoo.com



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